Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
