just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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