my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
