There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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