Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So vagazzling was a success
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
