Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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