dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
