A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
