Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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