dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
