Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
