You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
