i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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