Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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