Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I didn't notice because vodka
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
