So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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