We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
home. puking in laundry basket.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
