I think I won the penis lottery.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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