I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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