Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
