I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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