Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
