This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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