I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
