i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
