i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
