Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
