Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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