I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
