need another drink. this is the easiest way
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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