I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
