Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
