well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
