Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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