I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
