Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
