I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
