This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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