Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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