Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
