there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just had sex on a roof
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
