my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
