i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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