I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
