i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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