apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
