and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
