dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
