So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
