i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
