So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
