I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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